Welcome to the Poetry section of my site. Here you’ll find poems nonsensical, whimsical, silly, and sometimes dark, too. Some are short, some are long. (I’ve provided line counts, so you’ll know what you’re getting into.)
Use the popup to sort the poems in various ways.
Enjoy!
Alice at R'lyeh
“What a curious thing,” said Alice
“One might easily lose one's balance,”
As she walked through the labyrinthine tangles
Of the sea-risen city's impossible angles...
My Vampire Bride
The moon was bright
The breeze was light
As I stepped outside, that fateful night
And felt upon my neck the bite...
The Beast
The Beast became a Beast by living too long alone
Not caring how his beard or his fingernails had grown...
Mr Was & Miss Where
Mr Was only was, never is
The was of the moment is his
The is never is, because
Then is the now of Mr Was...
Molly Millie May McGrew
The bravest girl I ever knew
Was Molly Millie May McGrew
She stood no more than four foot two
But she’d outfaced the Gobbledigoo!...
The Night-Black Suit
My father had a night-black suit
With a night-black tie up to his throat
And gloves so dark, when they were on
You wondered where his hands had gone...
Mummy, Queen of Fright!
Our Mummy’d been a mummy in a horror film franchise
Rising from the dead with mesmerising, glowing eyes...
The Gentle Giant Robot
The Gentle Giant Robot, striding through the countryside
Stopped, then hung its heavy, heavy robot head and sighed...
Jonathan Livingstone Shoggoth
Jonathan Livingstone Shoggoth wanted to fly
He knew he could — believed he could — don’t ask him why!...
Sinking, and Fast
Agatha spends all her time in the attic
Dorothy’s drawings leave doctors aghast
Anthony’s charging the cats up with static...
The Telepathic Twins
First, a tingle up your spine
Then a whisper in your mind
Look around and you will find
The Telepathic Twins
Resorts of the Frightfully Lonely
Tabitha penned as-you-are invitations
To whomever found them, with no expectations
And left them in randomly-chosen locations...
The House, to its Haunter
Now alle is DEAD withinne me, and the attick dust is still,
And old moth huskes lye crumbling on the warped woode of the sill...
Meddie
Meddie had fantastic hair
It floated snakily on the air
A slow-motion sculpture of waves and curls
The envy of all the other girls...
Tumbledown Tom
He came down the road like a roistering riot
Now forwards, now backwards, as though just to try it...
The Devil had a mobile phone
The Devil had a mobile phone
He called me up on it
He said, “D’you wanna make a deal?”
I said I’d sleep on it...
How nice to be an angel
How nice to be an angel
Flitting about the sky
Without a thought of who or when
Or how or if or why...
Robot wrote a novel
Robot wrote a novel
All in ones and zeroes
Humans were the villains
Robots were the heroes...
It
Although we did our best
To pretend it wasn’t there
We kept It in the cellar
Just below the stair...
The Existential Agent
The Existential Agent has a gadget and a gizmo
The Existential Agent has the low-down and the info...
Welcome to Invasionville
Welcome to Invasionville!
A normal, humdrum town
Apart from the constant alien threat
And the beaming up and down...
The Indifferent Beast
They had an Indifferent Beast at the zoo
It was furry and spiny and somewhat scaly, too...
Wish I could be a witch
Wish I could be a witch
Real old-hag-cackling bitch
I’d cast me a spell
That’d summon up hell...
Spike and Doodles
Spike and Doodles, friends for life, set out upon a quest.
Spike said, “Doodles, I have always liked the sound of west.”
It's easy to summon a demon...
It's easy to summon a demon
You'll need paper, a pencil, and something to lean on...
The Sad Pirate
I sometimes sit and wonder
At all this useless plunder
I’ll maybe dig myself a pit
And bury it...
Doctor Freud
Doctor Freud, oh Doctor Freud
How is it I can avoid
Lustful thoughts and such distractions
Leading me to shameful actions?...
New Neighbours
New neighbours in the flat below.
Young. Happy. In love. You know.
Kiss each morning as they go to work.
Bit more than that each night in the dark....
The Imposter
I saw what seemed to be myself emerging from a door
Upon a street I swear I’d never walked upon before...
You Gotta Be Crazy To Be Dead
Met a man, was no more than a shadow in the street
Looking down, I could see he had chains around his feet...
I want to be on the moon
I want to be on the moon.
Just me, on my own.
Three hundred and eighty four thousand miles
From any pair of human eyes...
Teach Yourself Terror!
Teach Yourself Terror! the book’s cover said:
“How to be frightened of things not-quite-dead!”...